Today I hate it.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

I am paranoid all the time.

I feel like I am living a lie...but I don't know the truth.

I can't stay here. I feel my walls closing in. I am loved...but I don't fit.
I am an adult...but no one seems to believe me.

I think she just holds her tongue because she is afraid of me.

I think she will feel better when she thinks I am getting better. When I am on medication.

When I am the perfect daughter she always wanted. When I work a regular job, get a career.

I know she loves me…but I think she resents me. I don’t blame her.

That is all

Christian-
Funny...I did something similar to this a year ago.

All I want to say is, I'm sorry. I don't know how we wound up at this point, but we have.

I wish you all the best in this New Year, and thank you for the memories.

Good luck and be well,
Amaris Hinton

I feel good about this.

My grandpa asked me to play my guitar tonight.

I am going to get it together in 2010. So help me God.

Nita-

I love you.

-Amaris

I quit. I am tired.

I need to start over. Or for someone to care.

Something is a miss...and I don't know what.

It's unreal.

I have had a guy twice...and I asked him his name.

It's Adam.

Is what I want for Christmas.

We don't do anything that we used to for Christmas. Everything feels like a hassle. Holidays are supposed to be a time to relax. What are we doing wrong?

I don't want to celebrate Christmas. I really don't. I just want to sleep until it's time to go to work.


I hate being like this...but that childlike wonder is gone. I don't want to see my cousins. I actually hate seeing them because then I feel like the weird one. I know I'm the weird one, but I HATE it when I feel it. Being the bull in the china shop. I am sick of my mom being depressed. I am sick of being depressed.

I have no Christmas spirit...no love in my heart.

I feel left behind.

*raises hand*

Here.

For once...my mom approves of a boy she hasn't even met! WHAT THE DUCK!?

Of course...he is 12 hours away and eye deep in his own life.

Not crushing...but he treats me how I dream my future mate will treat me.

I was driving home from work, and I felt like calling. So he answers, and I ask him what's up. He's chillin with friends. It's a pet peeve of mine when people answer the phone and they are out or busy. I feel rude. So I say to him, "why did you answer the phone if you are with friends?" His response? "Because you called."

I probably paused too long and then said something to the effect of "I was just calling to shoot the breeze"

"Oh. Ok. I thought you needed to be walked to your car again"

*melt*

He's a smooth operator. He's playing me. But he is a friend that I care for.

Work both jobs tomorrow....phew. It's gonna be real this week.