Because my mind goes balistic.

Ran into a childhood friend again. Last time I saw him was....late last year/early this year? Something like that. He was with Seabird at the time.
He also dated my former children's pastor's daughter (who I used to know) for several years. I think it really did a number on him. Before that...I saw him at an old church several years before (I was in highschool I think), and before that...not since grade school.

I saw him today at church, my heart lept, and now I can't get him out of my head. I am learning though. When I like someone...they are generally a defective. He invited me to his church group this saturday, which would be cool...but my hormones are raging apparently.

I know too many attractive people. That's my problem. I need a hobby.

I start school Nov. 17. I am tweaking.

we are dating...we have been in each others lives for over a year now...and I feel no closer to you.

I know the long distance sucks...but not talking to you ever....sucks even more.

or leave me.
Don't play me.
Grow up.

and that is sad.

I leave for chicago this weekend. I am still excited...but a certain guy has put a slight damper on things.

But I will not let him ruin this for me. I won't. He can call me when he grows up.

I am too old for this sort of nonsense.

I kinda think you are an asshole. Why? Because you say a bunch of wonderful and mature things...but you pull the same bullshit. I am not opening my heart again just so you can break.

I won't. You want this? You have to make me care this time.

I am done.

I have a serious problem.

to work I go.

angelic demons

I forget about lj. Tumblr is my new thing.
Whoops.

needs to make a comeback

I am not going to repeat my usual mess with guys.

I like him. Sure. But he has to prove to me that he's worth my time. If we are just friends...then awesome. I was told last night to tell him. I am sick of doing that. I am not that progressive.

You want me? YOU tell me.

That's that.

Off to help the family I go.

You need to be hot or cold...but don't you DARE yo yo me!

Here it goes here it goes here it goes again....oh here it goes again!

I should have known....I should have known...

(makes sure you read that like the scrolling words of rockband)

Either get it over with aunt flo...or don't. But take the lower back pain and slight cramping with you. You cankerous whore.

Sorry LJ. Tumblr has kinda taken over.

Also..I don't blog. It would just be the same thing ever day...and who wants that.

I work tonight. Ick

I have chores.

I am still in bed and gross.

Nebraska...get here fast.

That mom wants me to wind up with our worship leader. Somehow...I doubt that ever happening. But I can feel it.

Oh moms.

I have reached indifference. Plus side...Tattoo on tuesday.

I have been emotionally screwy the last few days. I don't know what's fighting for anymore.

Something that I want more in this world is to love...God, and another earthly person. That has been my hope since I understood what romantic love was. Like genuine, I hate you right now but I still love you Love.

I thought I found a chance at that...but...as much as I don't want to admit it...I think it's coming to a close.

Suck.

Mom says this is the preparation period...if we prepare anymore...I'm not going to want to bother....but still have this want inside me. That's gonna suck.

I have an internal glitch. One day....one day...I will find someone who will love me as much as I love them. I hope that day is soon because I am tired. God's love should be enough. I need to suck it up....focus on my future..and tell men to take a hike.

I'm too cool for most guys...that or too much of a basket case. Either way...I'm awesome. I will continue to be me....if you don't like it....tough!

I have a lot of love inside me...and I don't know what to do with it. I feel everything very intensely. Maybe that's the cyclothemia talking. Maybe not. I try to monitor it....but it get's very very hard.

I do sometimes wish I was like normal girls. Bitchy, needy, easy and sexy. These are not adjectives I can use in reference to myself.

Me:
Hippie
Strange
Funny
Smart
Tough
Tomboy
Scaredy Cat

These are fitting words.

That is all.

ugh, fug, bleh.

I need a new job. I want to go to cosmetology school in feb.

I need something.

Aunt Flo, 10 day work week...and emotional insanity.

Ain't life grand?